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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?